Nudes, Modelling and the Dark Side of the Industry

This weeks post will be a touch more personal than most. I was asked by a few people to share a recent experience so here it is:

I've been in the "Industry", as we call it, since I was 17. I started out as soon as I moved back to Canada from South Africa. I can say that at 17, the idea of posing nude terrified me. I never, ever though I would do it and that feeling carried through until the night before my first shoot with Steve Richard. Part of me thought that I wouldn't do it at all, that I would just tell him I was too sick, my pneumonia was really bad that day and I would have to reschedule. Another part of me thought I was stupid for doubting myself, that it would be super fun and even if it wasn't, it was still an experience I would remember forever. Almost a year later and I love shooting nudes. They give me a reason not to slack, to walk to work and to feel good about myself. Until...

Dun dun dun! Someone commented on one of my photos on Deviant Art. I don't have it set up so that I have to screen comments because I'm not on nearly enough to bother with that nonsense. I don't even get email notifications anymore because they kept spamming my inbox. For the most part people praise what I post. I don't ask for comments, nor do I feel like I am asking to be praised by posting my work. I'm sharing something I did with people for their enjoyment, nothing more.

Lately however, I've been getting more and more rude and derogatory comments. I don't know these people, or at least I don't think I do. We're not friends on Facebook, I have no mutual friends, we're not friends on dA, I don't follow them, nothing. They seem to have stumbled across my account by accident and because everything is public (I haven't had any issues in over two years since I made everything public) people can post whatever they like. I've been called some truly nasty names, told I was evil and unholy, that no one could save my soul. I've been called ugly, fat, disgusting, etc, by people who've never met me and I've never had contact with. And they don't typically comment on one thing or send one message either. In my inactivity, I've gotten 5 or so messages/comments from these people on various things.

I will not be posting them, I don't think anyone needs to see those types of things, not even when they're related to someone they don't know, as I'm sure there are a few strangers reading this post. I do not believe in giving people like that the time of day, I simply ignore them, block and move on with my life. Except when I brought it up with a few of my friends in the industry, they mentioned how important it was the new models, or even the experienced ones, know that there is an ugly side to the industry, and it's not what you'd think. It's not about eating disorders, at least not in my case. I was shocked to learn that this has happened to many of my friends, even a couple who aren't models but are designers or photographers. I discussed it with one friend in particular who suggested that I write a blog post about this sort of thing and how to deal with it.

The truth is this: it does hurt. When people tell you you're ugly or fat in this industry, it's very hard not to take it personally. It doesn't matter if they're complete strangers, it takes a while to build up enough self-confidence and self-love (very, very important) to withstand the shitstorm that people will throw at you to try and take you down. For the longest time I lamented over this stuff, why did they hate me? What had I done to them? Were they jealous? But why, my life isn't that glamorous.

They're jealous. Insecure. Bigotted. Pig-headed. And they typically get off on causing other people emotional pain. Life is high school, people don't grow out of being catty and bitchy. The girls who are insecure and unhappy with themselves try to put others down so you feel just as crappy as they do. This is the sad reality, and as someone who was bullied even through University, I can say for a fact that the more "mean" the comments are, the more hateful, the better you're doing. Sounds a bit childish I guess, but I ignore these people and keep doing my thing. Eventually those people will realize that it's pointless and then another group will start picking you apart. The most important thing is to understand that it's not a true reflection of you, it's a poor reflection on their true character.

Yes, I know. Anyone who was ever bullied has heard that speech but it's very important that models, photographers and creatives alike know these things. The arts in any form is a brutal industry to be in and it's fiercely competitive, even in a small city like Halifax.

I personally ignore the rude comments thrown my way, the horns honked as I walk down the street and the "slut calling" or "slut sneezing" that occasionally happens. I ignore the boys that stare at my chest or my ass when I'm outside my house and I ignore the hateful messages I get regularly. I have to say, they're awful things to have to deal with on a day to day basis but they've made me a stronger person and a better model. I don't let people make lewd comments to me on set, I don't trust people at face value anymore and I don't believe people when they tell me I'm fat or ugly.

Something to lighten the mood!

Be smart, be safe, be awesome, be headstrong, be beautiful. :)
-Nicola Sasky